Thank you, still! Will continue to try!

The first thing, do you believe in God?
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Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. (Isaiah 59:1-2)

Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:38)
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Do you know, every negative thought is given by Satan - the devil. He wants you to feel regretful and depressed. I have had this feeling long long time ago, but one day a sister prayed for me, and told me that Jesus loves me, He didn't mean to punish me. And at that very moment, no more burden on my shoulders.
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Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." (Hebrews 12:1-6)

Don't trust on men or yourself, put your faith on God~

Apple, I read your response almost everyday, hoping to be better, thank you; but I'm not confident that I'll do better. I think some of you who are reading this may pray for me, thank you.

just understand one important thing: No matter what, God knows about you, for He is the one who creates you, molds you:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13)

No matter what you feel, you can share your inner most feeling with God, for before you pray, He already knows what you need:

You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted;you encourage them, and you listen to their cry. (Psalm 10:17)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. (Romans 8:26)

Just boldly share your feeling with God, for He cares about you.